Alright, after the advice I got from my last post, I reworked my proposal. Like I said before,vI suck at writing formal letters. It is really hard for me to put what I am trying to get across on paper. Take a sec and read this over for me. What should I add?? What should I delete?? It just sounds really confusing to me for some reason, so I am turning to you guys for help. PLEASE let me know what I can do to improve this letter, and get this sponsership. Thanks in advance for the help!

BTW: I have this wrote all business like, and will be including a bunch of 8x10 color photos.

__________________________________________________ ______________

Dear Tavis Tan,

My name is Ryan Nadler. I am twenty-one years old and the reason I am writing you today is to inquire about a ‘sponsorship’ for my 2001 Lexus IS300. I hope you will take a few minutes to consider what I can do for Axis. I am not some kid looking for a free set of wheels. I am a die hard gear head seeking to represent your company in exchange for some assistance with my upcoming wheel purchase. I only want the quality name of Axis to back me up. I am ready to purchase a set of your Milanos for my IS300. I was hoping that you would consider me for some kind of discount or wholesale price in exchange for some promotional opportunities.

I believe that I have a unique car in the Midwest. To tell you the truth, I have never seen another IS300 around here that isn’t bone stock. The St. Louis import car market is growing, but we are still nothing near the statute of California. I mean, it’s not everyday you see a pearl blue and silver Lexus rolling on 19" Axis Milanos with a 3" polished lip! This is the exact reason I think that Axis needs me. I could open up a whole new market to you.

Since my IS300 just finished being painted in May, I have dedicated this summer to attending as many car shows and meets as possible. I have put a lot of time and money into my car, and now it’s time to get it out there and expose it to the world. This is where I believe Axis can benefit. I will be attending the Indy Truck Bash, Hot Import Nights Chicago, Nopi Races Wars, and the Nopi Nationals this year. I have been to these shows the last few years and have never seen the Axis name represented at any. These shows are HUGE and can create thousands potential customers that have never heard the Axis name. All of these shows are widely covered by magazines also. Import Tuner, Super Street, Gauge, HiBeamZ, Street Trucks, Mini Truckin’, and Tailgate all cover each and every one of these shows. I will be trying my best to land a magazine shoot, and with Axis backing me I would work even harder.

I can’t even express in words the impact that seeing a company’s product in person can make on a buyer. Axis wheels are some of the nicest on the market. They hold the kind of quality you need to see to believe. If my wish of representing Axis were to come true, I would do my best to show others what Axis is all about. I would be willing to sport your name and website address on my car, hand out business cards, flyers, brochures, or anything else to show that Axis really does stand by their products. This is the kind of exposure Axis deserves for the quality products you produce.

Like I said before, the reason for this letter is not to beg for a free set of wheels. I am sure you guys get enough of that already. The reason is to show Axis the passion I have for my IS300, and the devotion I give to the ‘show scene’. To tell you the truth, as long as you took the time to read this proposal I am happy. I will still purchase a set of Milanos, and I will enjoy them to the fullest extent. I just think that with a partnership we can make Axis a ‘household name’ among the import world. We can make new customers and expand Axis that much further. It would be a honor for me to represent Axis. Please take the time to weigh your options and get back to me. If you let this dream of mine come true, I can guarantee I won’t let you down. I anxiously await your response. Good or bad, it still makes me feel good to know I was considered. Thanks again for your time.



Sincerely yours,
YO NADZ BEEEEOTCH!

 

this will probably be moved by the mods soon.

 

bump?

 

If you want my honest opinion...


"I have dedicated this summer to attending as many car shows and meets as possible...I will be attending the Indy Truck Bash, Hot Import Nights Chicago, Nopi Races Wars, and the Nopi Nationals this year"

Car shows net very little additional business from the people actually attending a show. My friend who works for Harmon Consumer Group (JBL and Infinity) said they money they invested in HIN last year accounted for less than one half a percent of total sales. He said it was totaly worthless, thusly this year they are not sponsoring the show.



"All of these shows are widely covered by magazines also. Import Tuner, Super Street, Gauge, HiBeamZ, Street Trucks, Mini Truckin’, and Tailgate all cover each and every one of these shows. I will be trying my best to land a magazine shoot, and with Axis backing me I would work even harder."

The only coverage meaningful to a manufacturer are magazine shoots, specifically cover shoots. If you don't have a shoot lined up, a sponsorship is not likely.


"Like I said before, the reason for this letter is not to beg for a free set of wheels. I am sure you guys get enough of that already."

Delete this statement....


I think you're a very enthusiastic consumer, but very few owners get sponsorships without a lot of help and inside connections. I'm not trying to discourage you, even though it may seem that way, just trying to share some of my experiences. I've been on both sides....asking for sponsorships, and people asking me for a sponsorship.

As far as Axis....I had a cover car in Turbo, and 2 features in Performance Auto and Sound, and Modified Magazine, and they turned me down. Maybe you'll have better luck....

 

I totally agree with everything MrMark said and I would also remove the following


LOL!!!

 

damn, that makes everything sound so much more promissing

 

umm maybe they don't really need any sponsorship at this point?

keep in mind too, that it's a season thing. if they need something to be ready for sema and so things might be different

 

It doesn’t sound very professional

 

keep it short and sweet. talk in terms of axis' interest as the other members have pointed out good luck. i know a person with charged service with proposal writing, if u want, let me know.

 

quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sincerely yours,
YO NADZ BEEEEOTCH!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




LOL!!!





hahhaha, i just noticed this. sounds like yo nadz' still keeping his spirit high, props to you yo nadz!

 

I agree with the members on this one. It doesnt sound professional (if there is such a thing ) , gotta make it more of a proposal rather than a "dear john" letter.

And yeah get rid of the

Sincerely yours,
YO NADZ BEEEEOTCH!

 

Cool, thanks for the advice. I am still working on it. I blow nuts at writing these formal deals. A friend of mine has a REALLY nice proposal that she made up a few years ago. I will let you guys know how it goes. Thanks again for the help!

 

This sentence should have "stature" instead of statute.

And I agree, the letter is like you're telling them what you can do for them. I would change the tone to make it more business professional and state it in terms of what you might be able to provide or could provide them in less of an aggressive nature. State it in terms of suggestions since they are probably well aware of the pros and cons of these types of arrangements. Accentuate the positives without sounding like you are asking for a handout.

Also, lose that signature.

Just some suggestions.

 

the sig was just a joke. Does everyone really think I was gonna write Yo Nadz BEEOTCH at the bottom!

 

I didn't, since it is just the first draft.

But I gotta tell you, once I got to that part it had me cracking up!