Jeremy Clarkson on the Audi RS 4
10-23-05, 08:43 AM
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Jeremy Clarkson on the Audi RS 4
http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/art...836924,00.html
Jeremy Clarkson
Times Online October 23, 2005
Audi RS 4
By Jeremy Clarkson of The Sunday Times
Leaves all fashionable pretenders in its wake
Most weeks in the Home section of this newspaper there are some photographs of a hugely attractive media couple who’ve stuck a big white box on the back of their agreeable London town house.
Usually the white box has an all-glass front made up of two big sliding doors, so when the hugely attractive couple are sitting in their kitchen it feels like they’re actually in the garden.
And that’s lovely, until the sun comes out, when it will feel like they’re sitting in an Aga. And it’s especially lovely if you’re a burglar, because glass is so much easier to break than brick.
*
Furthermore, while a rectangular glassy look works well now, who’s to say that by February Mrs Media Couple won’t want to put it in the bin with her ra-ra skirt and your back-combed hair. Only she can’t. She’s stuck in a moment-specific goldfish bowl, wondering what on earth possessed her to do such a thing. White is never white for long in London and after a while glass stops gleaming and starts to go green. Then she really will be living in the garden.
This will have an effect on the resale value. Oh sure, an architect-designed house adds value now and for the next 15 minutes, but after that? She may as well have put her money into a biodegradable Enron eight-track.
Sure, it’s important that historians of the future have some evidence of what early 21st century design was like, but like 1950s metal window frames I can pretty much guarantee that every single one of the white glass boxes currently being nailed to perfectly good houses will be gone. Either because a new fashion has come along or because they all fell over.
I should explain at this point that I’m deeply suspicious of all design initiatives. Take suits, for example. When I last bought one, three buttons were very much in vogue so I went down that route. And now, every time I wear it, Adrian Gill nearly has a hernia. So what am I supposed to do? Throw it away? Put a made-to-measure Gieves & Hawkes suit on the bonfire because it has one too many buttons? You have got to be joking.
Anyone who goes into town, parks their car, walks to a jewellery shop, peruses the selection of cufflinks and waits around while their credit card is processed either has way, way too much time on their hands or is clinically mad. Or a vain Chelsea fop
I was even told the other day that my belt is out of date. How can this be? How can a strip of leather with a buckle possibly be in or out of fashion? And it’s the same story with cufflinks. These are something you buy when you’re at an airport and remember you’ve left yours at home. Anyone who goes into town, parks their car, walks to a jewellery shop, peruses the selection and waits around while their credit card is processed either has way, way too much time on their hands or is clinically mad. Or a vain Chelsea fop.
It’s better, I think, to buy good design once than fashionable design every 25 minutes. Certainly it’s cheaper. And by good design I mean Georgian houses, Levi’s 501 jeans, loafers, Zippo lighters, the Parker Knoll recliner, the original Coca-Cola bottle (a shape that influenced the original Aston Martin DBS, incidentally) and the Lamborghini Miura.
Which brings us neatly on to cars. In the olden days the notion that your car could in some way be a fashion accessory was, of course, ludicrous. But now, because car companies have invented platform sharing where a vast range of seemingly different cars are all exactly the same underneath, new models can be introduced quickly. And that’s the key. Keeping it moving. Churning out the changes. Disco. Punk. New wave. House, hip-hop, rap, techno, garage.
Take the new Mini as a prime example. It’s expensive, slow and badly packaged but for a while at least it was right up there with your silly shoes and your white kitchen extension. It isn’t any more, thanks to Foxtons estate agency, which bought 6m of them, but that’s okay because those of a GQ disposition have now moved on and bought a Range Rover Sport instead.
And next year, because VW has dropped plans to make a 21st century version of the Microbus, they’ll get one of the new Mini Travellers. Or a Mercedes CLS. Or an Alfa Romeo Brera.
Not a Jaguar, though, because somehow Jag has emerged from its recent vacillations as the Tory party. A bit crusty. A bit stuck. A bit in need of Peter Kay to come along and do an Amarillo on it. And not a Discovery either because this hasn’t worked at all. Maybe because it’s cool to be green — there has to be some reason why environmentalism is so popular because it’s got damn all to do with science — school-run mums are unwilling to tool around in a Commander Straker Tonka toy.
Whatever, I rather like the way the car industry is now afflicted with the curse of fashion because it means cars are less geeky. And I wish you all well as you blunder around squandering your money on whatever Dylan Jones says you’ve got to have this morning.
But for those of you who want a Zippo with windscreen wipers, may I draw your attention to the new Audi RS 4.
Audi does its best to get its nose in the fashion world by running a fleet of A8s that are at the permanent beck and call of Jade Goody and Nigella Lawson. But it hasn’t worked because, with the notable exception of the TT, they’re about as fashionable as vicarages.
*
What’s more, they’re not very nice to drive, chiefly because all of them are designed and engineered in Germany where any roadwork Johnnie who leaves even the smallest bump in the road is shot. Here in England where potholes abound, they’re as comfortable as steamrollers.
Audi’s appeal, I think, is twofold. First, the cars are beautifully made. And second they are not BMWs.
The RS 4 is different, however, partly because it was tested on Britain’s roads and partly because right now there is no up-to-date M3 version of the current BMW 3-series. If you want a small fast saloon then it’s the Audi or nothing. So what’s it like? Well, it certainly looks the part with puffed-up shoulders and fat tyres hinting at some serious firepower. And it delivers, too, thanks to a 4.2 litre V8 engine that develops 414bhp. That’s 70 more than the old M3.
So what about the problem that’s blighted all Audis since, oh, about 1478: the fact that their engines are always mounted right at the front of the car? This is fine in a normal saloon; it means there’s more space in the cockpit for people and it’s easy to get power to the front wheels.
Times Online logo
Search for a new or used Audi RS 4 online
View a photo gallery
of the Audi RS 4
But when the engine in question is a thumping great V8, the effect is a complete lack of balance. Imagine trying to fly a Piper Cherokee with a hippo on the bonnet to get some idea of what I’m on about. To get round this the RS 4 has aluminium front wings, and the engine, which is super-light and small, is mounted backwards so all the heavy chains are at the rear. Clever.
And effective. Push hard and the four-wheel-drive system will still understeer but it’s not the same Oh My God I’m Going To Die understeer from yesteryear. Especially now 60% of the power goes to the back wheels.
Better still, thanks to the test programme in England, the car rides properly. It’s not what you’d call a magic carpet but it doesn’t juice your internal organs either. And the new-found compliancy in the suspension is matched by quite the best seats in the whole world. They’re so big they take up all the rear legroom, which renders the back useless. Perhaps that’s why there are no rear electric windows, an otherwise strange omission in what’s a £50,000 car.
Other than this minor irritation I’m completely sold on the RS 4. It goes like a scalded ****, corners beautifully, sounds like God with a cold, looks like Achilles, and best of all, if you buy one, you won’t have to buy something else tomorrow.
VITAL STATISTICS
Model Audi RS 4
Engine 4163cc, V8
Power 414bhp @ 7800rpm
Torque 317 lb ft @ 5500rpm
Transmission 6-speed manual, 4-wheel drive
Fuel 20.9mpg (combined cycle)
CO2 324g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 4.8sec
Top speed 155mph (electronically limited)
Price £49,980
Rating 4/5
Verdict A timeless classic
Jeremy Clarkson
Times Online October 23, 2005
Audi RS 4
By Jeremy Clarkson of The Sunday Times
Leaves all fashionable pretenders in its wake
Most weeks in the Home section of this newspaper there are some photographs of a hugely attractive media couple who’ve stuck a big white box on the back of their agreeable London town house.
Usually the white box has an all-glass front made up of two big sliding doors, so when the hugely attractive couple are sitting in their kitchen it feels like they’re actually in the garden.
And that’s lovely, until the sun comes out, when it will feel like they’re sitting in an Aga. And it’s especially lovely if you’re a burglar, because glass is so much easier to break than brick.
*
Furthermore, while a rectangular glassy look works well now, who’s to say that by February Mrs Media Couple won’t want to put it in the bin with her ra-ra skirt and your back-combed hair. Only she can’t. She’s stuck in a moment-specific goldfish bowl, wondering what on earth possessed her to do such a thing. White is never white for long in London and after a while glass stops gleaming and starts to go green. Then she really will be living in the garden.
This will have an effect on the resale value. Oh sure, an architect-designed house adds value now and for the next 15 minutes, but after that? She may as well have put her money into a biodegradable Enron eight-track.
Sure, it’s important that historians of the future have some evidence of what early 21st century design was like, but like 1950s metal window frames I can pretty much guarantee that every single one of the white glass boxes currently being nailed to perfectly good houses will be gone. Either because a new fashion has come along or because they all fell over.
I should explain at this point that I’m deeply suspicious of all design initiatives. Take suits, for example. When I last bought one, three buttons were very much in vogue so I went down that route. And now, every time I wear it, Adrian Gill nearly has a hernia. So what am I supposed to do? Throw it away? Put a made-to-measure Gieves & Hawkes suit on the bonfire because it has one too many buttons? You have got to be joking.
Anyone who goes into town, parks their car, walks to a jewellery shop, peruses the selection of cufflinks and waits around while their credit card is processed either has way, way too much time on their hands or is clinically mad. Or a vain Chelsea fop
I was even told the other day that my belt is out of date. How can this be? How can a strip of leather with a buckle possibly be in or out of fashion? And it’s the same story with cufflinks. These are something you buy when you’re at an airport and remember you’ve left yours at home. Anyone who goes into town, parks their car, walks to a jewellery shop, peruses the selection and waits around while their credit card is processed either has way, way too much time on their hands or is clinically mad. Or a vain Chelsea fop.
It’s better, I think, to buy good design once than fashionable design every 25 minutes. Certainly it’s cheaper. And by good design I mean Georgian houses, Levi’s 501 jeans, loafers, Zippo lighters, the Parker Knoll recliner, the original Coca-Cola bottle (a shape that influenced the original Aston Martin DBS, incidentally) and the Lamborghini Miura.
Which brings us neatly on to cars. In the olden days the notion that your car could in some way be a fashion accessory was, of course, ludicrous. But now, because car companies have invented platform sharing where a vast range of seemingly different cars are all exactly the same underneath, new models can be introduced quickly. And that’s the key. Keeping it moving. Churning out the changes. Disco. Punk. New wave. House, hip-hop, rap, techno, garage.
Take the new Mini as a prime example. It’s expensive, slow and badly packaged but for a while at least it was right up there with your silly shoes and your white kitchen extension. It isn’t any more, thanks to Foxtons estate agency, which bought 6m of them, but that’s okay because those of a GQ disposition have now moved on and bought a Range Rover Sport instead.
And next year, because VW has dropped plans to make a 21st century version of the Microbus, they’ll get one of the new Mini Travellers. Or a Mercedes CLS. Or an Alfa Romeo Brera.
Not a Jaguar, though, because somehow Jag has emerged from its recent vacillations as the Tory party. A bit crusty. A bit stuck. A bit in need of Peter Kay to come along and do an Amarillo on it. And not a Discovery either because this hasn’t worked at all. Maybe because it’s cool to be green — there has to be some reason why environmentalism is so popular because it’s got damn all to do with science — school-run mums are unwilling to tool around in a Commander Straker Tonka toy.
Whatever, I rather like the way the car industry is now afflicted with the curse of fashion because it means cars are less geeky. And I wish you all well as you blunder around squandering your money on whatever Dylan Jones says you’ve got to have this morning.
But for those of you who want a Zippo with windscreen wipers, may I draw your attention to the new Audi RS 4.
Audi does its best to get its nose in the fashion world by running a fleet of A8s that are at the permanent beck and call of Jade Goody and Nigella Lawson. But it hasn’t worked because, with the notable exception of the TT, they’re about as fashionable as vicarages.
*
What’s more, they’re not very nice to drive, chiefly because all of them are designed and engineered in Germany where any roadwork Johnnie who leaves even the smallest bump in the road is shot. Here in England where potholes abound, they’re as comfortable as steamrollers.
Audi’s appeal, I think, is twofold. First, the cars are beautifully made. And second they are not BMWs.
The RS 4 is different, however, partly because it was tested on Britain’s roads and partly because right now there is no up-to-date M3 version of the current BMW 3-series. If you want a small fast saloon then it’s the Audi or nothing. So what’s it like? Well, it certainly looks the part with puffed-up shoulders and fat tyres hinting at some serious firepower. And it delivers, too, thanks to a 4.2 litre V8 engine that develops 414bhp. That’s 70 more than the old M3.
So what about the problem that’s blighted all Audis since, oh, about 1478: the fact that their engines are always mounted right at the front of the car? This is fine in a normal saloon; it means there’s more space in the cockpit for people and it’s easy to get power to the front wheels.
Times Online logo
Search for a new or used Audi RS 4 online
View a photo gallery
of the Audi RS 4
But when the engine in question is a thumping great V8, the effect is a complete lack of balance. Imagine trying to fly a Piper Cherokee with a hippo on the bonnet to get some idea of what I’m on about. To get round this the RS 4 has aluminium front wings, and the engine, which is super-light and small, is mounted backwards so all the heavy chains are at the rear. Clever.
And effective. Push hard and the four-wheel-drive system will still understeer but it’s not the same Oh My God I’m Going To Die understeer from yesteryear. Especially now 60% of the power goes to the back wheels.
Better still, thanks to the test programme in England, the car rides properly. It’s not what you’d call a magic carpet but it doesn’t juice your internal organs either. And the new-found compliancy in the suspension is matched by quite the best seats in the whole world. They’re so big they take up all the rear legroom, which renders the back useless. Perhaps that’s why there are no rear electric windows, an otherwise strange omission in what’s a £50,000 car.
Other than this minor irritation I’m completely sold on the RS 4. It goes like a scalded ****, corners beautifully, sounds like God with a cold, looks like Achilles, and best of all, if you buy one, you won’t have to buy something else tomorrow.
VITAL STATISTICS
Model Audi RS 4
Engine 4163cc, V8
Power 414bhp @ 7800rpm
Torque 317 lb ft @ 5500rpm
Transmission 6-speed manual, 4-wheel drive
Fuel 20.9mpg (combined cycle)
CO2 324g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 4.8sec
Top speed 155mph (electronically limited)
Price £49,980
Rating 4/5
Verdict A timeless classic
10-23-05, 10:29 AM
#2
Lexus Fanatic
Mike.......is this guy an AUTO critic? 
He writes literally dozens of paragraphs and tells us almost nothing about the car except how the engine is mounted.
You or I, in our own auto reviews, could say more in just a couple of sentences.
He writes literally dozens of paragraphs and tells us almost nothing about the car except how the engine is mounted.
You or I, in our own auto reviews, could say more in just a couple of sentences.
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