Tampa Police Report - "The George Costanza Method"
11-06-09, 07:22 AM
#1
Tampa Police Report - "The George Costanza Method"
This officer is hilarious. It's FL and an easily perceived incident of a patrol car versus an alligator in the road. Alligator bites car.
But let officer Terry Ashe tell it and it becomes a full fledged screenplay
Does this not remind you of the 'golf ball stuck in the whale' episode of Seinfeld?
But let officer Terry Ashe tell it and it becomes a full fledged screenplay
Nov. 5--Terry Ashe's unofficial initial report could have just said that his Tampa police cruiser's left bumper was bitten by an alligator.
That alone would have been enough to get a chuckle. But Ashe told the whole painful saga with literary flair.
The attack began Oct. 27 as he neared his Pasco County home.
"As I was driving down the single lane, dirt road, adjacent to an old cemetery, I observed a large, menacing dark object lying in the road obstructing my right of way," wrote Ashe, a 13-year police veteran. "With rain pouring down, mist and fog shrouding my vision, large oak trees laden with Spanish moss hanging down around my vehicle, I was uncertain as to what lay in my path.
"I backed up a little bit to get a second look at what was lying in the roadway. With the heavy rain coming down, it appeared that an alligator was obstructing my path. Pondering as to how to deal with this menacing man-eater, I eased my vehicle forward slightly to get the ancient reptile to move off the road.
"The alligator took my action as an act of aggression and lurched forward attacking my vehicle. The monster bit down on the front left bumper and attempted his mighty death roll.
"The vehicle shook violently from side to side, my head bouncing from the driver's side window to the headrest. At one point it felt as if the vehicle was up on two wheels. After what seemed an eternity, the prehistoric monster appeared to be tiring. With the vehicle back on all four wheels I slammed the vehicle into reverse and punched the accelerator. The mighty roar of the engine and the spinning of tires in the wet sand was just too much for the man-eater to manage.
"After letting go and emitting a loud roar of triumph, he crawled off the roadway. While quite shaken, face drained of blood, and soaked with sweat, I was able to put the vehicle in drive and get past the beast. One last look in the rear view mirror and I knew that I had just escaped the mighty jaws of death.
"After arriving at my residence, out of harm's way, I inspected the front, left bumper and observed teeth holes in the plastic bumper where the alligator had hold of it. Estimated damage to the bumper is approximately $500."
Sadly, the final report's narrative was a little more tempered: "Officer Ashe was driving home in Pasco County when he observed an alligator blocking the roadway. He attempted to use his vehicle to scare it out of the road. The alligator became agitated and bit his bumper causing approximately $500 worth of damage. Report will be routed to City Claims/Risk Management."
That alone would have been enough to get a chuckle. But Ashe told the whole painful saga with literary flair.
The attack began Oct. 27 as he neared his Pasco County home.
"As I was driving down the single lane, dirt road, adjacent to an old cemetery, I observed a large, menacing dark object lying in the road obstructing my right of way," wrote Ashe, a 13-year police veteran. "With rain pouring down, mist and fog shrouding my vision, large oak trees laden with Spanish moss hanging down around my vehicle, I was uncertain as to what lay in my path.
"I backed up a little bit to get a second look at what was lying in the roadway. With the heavy rain coming down, it appeared that an alligator was obstructing my path. Pondering as to how to deal with this menacing man-eater, I eased my vehicle forward slightly to get the ancient reptile to move off the road.
"The alligator took my action as an act of aggression and lurched forward attacking my vehicle. The monster bit down on the front left bumper and attempted his mighty death roll.
"The vehicle shook violently from side to side, my head bouncing from the driver's side window to the headrest. At one point it felt as if the vehicle was up on two wheels. After what seemed an eternity, the prehistoric monster appeared to be tiring. With the vehicle back on all four wheels I slammed the vehicle into reverse and punched the accelerator. The mighty roar of the engine and the spinning of tires in the wet sand was just too much for the man-eater to manage.
"After letting go and emitting a loud roar of triumph, he crawled off the roadway. While quite shaken, face drained of blood, and soaked with sweat, I was able to put the vehicle in drive and get past the beast. One last look in the rear view mirror and I knew that I had just escaped the mighty jaws of death.
"After arriving at my residence, out of harm's way, I inspected the front, left bumper and observed teeth holes in the plastic bumper where the alligator had hold of it. Estimated damage to the bumper is approximately $500."
Sadly, the final report's narrative was a little more tempered: "Officer Ashe was driving home in Pasco County when he observed an alligator blocking the roadway. He attempted to use his vehicle to scare it out of the road. The alligator became agitated and bit his bumper causing approximately $500 worth of damage. Report will be routed to City Claims/Risk Management."
11-06-09, 04:23 PM
#3
Lexus Fanatic
Or the story Elaine or George made up to tell Jerry when they borrowed Jerry's car about the pack of angry kids chasing them in the valley which is why they hit something and his car was making a funny noise.
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