LexFather

WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Valvoline Instant Oil Change when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee while they change the oil.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Cost: $29.99 oil change, $2.00 coffee. Total $32.00


MEN:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to the auto parts store. Buy a case of oil, oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner (don't forget a little tree air freshener). Write a check to the auto parts store for approximately $50.

2. Stop by 7/11 on the way home, buy a case of beer. Write a check for $20.00.

3. Drive home with oil and beer.

4. Open beer, enjoy it.

5. Spend 30 minutes looking for the jack stands.

6. Find the jack stands (finally) under the kid's pedal car, jack the car up.

7. Open another beer, drink it.

8. Place drain pan under engine.

9. Look for 9/16" box end wrench for drain plug

10. Give up looking ten minutes later, find crescent wrench.

11. Unscrew drain plug.

12. Drop drain plug into pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil onto your hands and face in the process. Cuss and swear.

13. Crawl out from under car, wipe hot oil from hands and face. Throw some kitty litter on the spilled oil.

14. Open another beer while watching the last drops of oil drain.

15. Spend 30 minutes looking for the oil filter wrench.

16. Give up looking for oil filter wrench, crawl under car and hammer a flat-head screwdriver through the oil filter and twist it off.

17. Crawl out from under car, splashing hot oil everywhere from newly made holes in oil filter.

18. Cleverly hide used oil filter in trash to avoid those pesky environmental penalties. Open another beer.

19. Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to the gasket.

20. Pour the first quart of new oil into engine.

21. Oops! Now remember the drain plug (removed in step 11). It's still swimming in the now-warm oil in the drain pan.

22. Throw more kitty litter on the quart-sized oil puddle on the floor.

23. Open another beer and drink it.

24. Find drain plug with a minimum of spillage, hand-tighten in drain plug socket. Drink beer.

25. Crawl under car (getting oily kitty litter embedded in neck and arms). Tighten drain plug with crescent wrench, but this time, it's slippery. Bang your knuckles on the frame while tightening drain plug.

26. Throw crescent wrench across the garage in anger. Throw a fit because crescent wrench hits bowling trophy (which wife wouldn't let stay in the house).

27. Open another beer and drink it.

28. Clean hands, bandaging where needed to stop blood flow.

29. Pour in five quarts of fresh oil.

30. Lower car from jack stands. Smile at your handiwork. Open another beer and drink it.

31. Move car back to discover oil puddles you missed; apply more kitty litter to missed areas.

32. Test drive car to make sure oil doesn't leak.

33. Get pulled over a block from the house by local police, get arrested for DUI.

34. Call loving wife and bail bondsman.

35. Next day, get car out of impound yard.

Cost: $50 parts, $20 beer, Impound fee $75, Bail $1500, DUI $2500 minimum. Total $4145 (but you know the job was done right!)

http://www.funny2.com/index.htm

mmarshall

While most Jiffy Lube shops are probably honest, some charge for work that is actually not done, or by substituting plain water for things like windshield-washer fliud or engine coolant. Check this out:

http://www.thisisjuststupid.com/stup...ffy-lube-scam/

newr

OMG.... ROFL.....

so true.. up to 32...

newr

Yep.. I was one of their victims when I was young & lazy...

2000LEX

iTrader: (2)

That describes my neibor almost to a tee

mmarshall

Most of the drain plugs on the cars I've owned are metric....commonly 10 mm.

I assume this is a joke, right? One should NEVER crawl and work under jack stands....they are too unstable. That's what ramps and lifts are for......although with some cars, you don't need to raise them. You can reach the drain plug with the car sitting normally.

Some cars with low-slung bodywork up front can't use regular portable ramps either.....the front bodywork contacts the ramps before the actual wheels do, and gets warped or damaged. You have to use one or more lower step-ups first.

highstakes

LOL. Reminds me the man vs. women at the drive through ATM.

PhantomZX

An earthquake is the only thing that would make a jackstand unstable if the person using them knows the proper places to put them.

I just changed the head gasket in my car and was underneath a LOT to get the exhaust and engine mounts out of the way. In cases like this, when it's not possible to start and drive the car to raise/lower it on ramps, there's no other choice.

blacksc400

iTrader: (4)

so true!!!!!!!!!!!

Dave600hL

Ha,Ha... My dad for sure, but they forgot the get angry at wife part for cutting up your knuckles.

lex

that is too funny

The G Man

You forgetten about the part where the man drains the transmission oil by mistake and have to tow the car to the dealer And the wife say I told you so.

SLegacy99

Last time I went to an oil lube express they reccomended all of this stuff for me to do. Alot of differential flushing. How many women (and men) fall sucker for that. And it cost me $40.

I did my oil about a month ago and spend $19 at Pep boys on supplies. Much better.

Or in my case, man forgets to remove gasket from previous oil filter, installs new filter. Dealer discovers this and laughs at him for the cause of his catostrophic oil leak.

NemeGuero

iTrader: (15)

Maybe this happens when you're 12 and don't know how to work on cars yet. (and drinking beer)

And yea, jack stands are plenty stable if you're competent.

I do like those basement style pits they have at JiffyLube.. makes work like that so much easier.. Or changing a differential.

mmarshall

Sorry.....my typo. You guys are correct. I meant a REGULAR jack, not a jack-stand. Time for another cup of coffee.

Jack-stands, if used properly, are indeed OK.....it's working under a regular jack that can be dangerous.