tex2670

Yeah, ok. Let's see if you feel the same way in 10 years.

tex2670

Can you adopt me? That's nicer than my car...

geko29

Yeah, I meant that to say we were in substantial alignment, with perhaps slight differences. But with this clarification, I don't think we have any differences.

Johnhav430

We have friends (wife's bff) that live now in a mcmansion outside of LA. Actually when the market crashed they told us you guys have to move out here there are houses (2007 construction) in the neighborhood now selling for around 500k! (over a 300k dip)

People stretch the truth and say they're from the Bronx when they're really from Yorktown Heights. These friends are from the Bronx. They had one car and it was a 5 spd Accord, the one that was around in 1999. Their struggles were real, doing residencies and already having small children. I remember visiting in 2010, and the husband asking me how's your 335i? He test drove a X3. I said if you like it, why not get it? he said oh no, we can't afford something like that, but I still enjoyed test driving it.

Flash forward to around 2014 and the mom is telling me they'll probably give the Pilot to the 16 y.o. son, since the husband is finally getting a Mercedes, what he always wanted. The 12 y.o. daughter said, "If he gets the Pilot, what do I get when I'm 16 (party is this month)?" She goes, "You can have my car, because hopefully I will be getting a new one by then." She had a 2014 Accord.

I asked can you tell me why you would give your kids relatively new cars, when they turn 16? She smiled, and said, "No."

They're good parents, both are doctors, now they can clearly afford to give their kids these cars. They have no interest in their kids going to med school (that is probably a good idea), and they never had any intention of forcing their kids to struggle, also ok.

Me? The struggle is the best part imho. Lots of learning takes place. I've worked for firms where kids of the partners were not allowed to come out of an Ivy League college and work for the firm. They had to go elsewhere for a minimum of 3-5 years. Some of those kids never come back, they become pretty successful at larger ones. Some come back and do well, and some are lost. There's actually no right or wrong, my buddy fully believes in the Rush type of deal. But he's an exception, not the norm, to kinda just wing it and become well to do (nothing political here just that my buddy believes in pure entreprenurial, no education needed).

edit: an illustration of how time flies. When I met my wife, her cousin was living with parents, age 27. Not a big deal we're talking northern NJ rents were already steep. But he's now 40 living at home. We shouldn't judge, but as a parent I think we likely wish to see our kids do better than ourselves. Or that could just be an outdated concept. If they had to work for what they have, pretty sure they won't die. and those who have daughters you're gonna be shelling out 100k for a wedding, so it's not like you'll never give them anything. Even for sons, you may end up paying anyway depending on what nationality the spouse is, or, you may simply help them with a downpay on the house. These imho are different than a car at 16.

ArmyofOne

I think it depends entirely on the child. If they are an irresponsible punk, absolutely not. Pay your own way. If they are a responsible person, getting good grades and working hard to set themselves up for success then, while I won't give them a car (as I don't believe this teaches anything), I do one of two things:

1) Allow them to drive my car provided the tank is not empty when it comes back, they are paying their share of insurance and maintenance costs.

2) Allow them to go a pick out a used car (5-6k) and buy it myself, allowing them to pay a "car note" to me. Once the balance is paid in full (no interest), they can have the car. Meanwhile they can certainly drive it as long as they are making the payments, doing the maintenance, paying for reg/gas/ins. This teaches real-world responsibility about living within your means with something you can afford.

Kira X

iTrader: (24)

I drove my mom's old Saturn around when I got my license at 17. I had planned on getting a job at 15 or 16 and saving up for a Camaro or something cool, but my mom wouldn't let me work until my senior year of high school. I drove the Saturn for two years until I saved up to buy my 1993 Lexus SC300 at the end of my first year in college. I appreciated my SC300 even more since I worked so hard to get it. Of course I would have been happy to have my parents buy me a car. I went to a high school full of rich kids with really nice cars that were bought by their parents. Most of those cars were wrecked or beat up by the time we went to college.

The only reason I drove the Saturn was because my we had three cars at the time and it was an extra. My stepdad was going to give it away and then I would have been forced to buy my own car. I was grateful for the Saturn since they paid all of the costs for me to drive. In return for doing that I took my sister to school each day and ran whatever errands they needed me for.

I have a one year old now and when she's 16 I will probably give her an old car to drive around until she gets her own. If I happen to get rich within the next 15 years or something then I would hand her something extremely nice like a newer Range Rover, Lexus or Mercedes. If I had that kind of money where a nice car was a drop in the bucket, then I'd do it. The chances of that happening are slim so an old beater is more than likely and realistic.

EXE46

No kids yet, though me and spouse plan to soon. I will not give a car to a kid at 16. When he/she gets to college and if they will be commuting I would get a car then, not before. I see no need to give a car to a kid in high school unless maybe if the kid has a job and I have no plans to let my kid work while in high school. Studying and getting good grades and thus increasing the probability of getting a scholarship is what is important in my opinion.

I was not born in this country, I came after high-school for college and so I have a different perspective than Americans. The values learned in my homeland is what i will impart to my kid when the time comes. Hard work is key, learn money management from an early age etc. Having a degree in accounting makes me qualified enough to impart these things.

One caveat, I have no issues in letting the kid driving my car at 16 on weekends when he/she has extra curricular activities to pursue.

IS350jet

No. But I was raised differently. Although my parents certainly could have afforded it, they taught me a very valuable life lesson by "letting me" buy my own first car/gas/insurance. It made me who I am as a person today and taught me how to live on my own and be my own independent person. It literally helped define my character, today.
It taught me the value of a dollar and how to work for what I wanted.

Johnhav430

looking back, I got Citi when I was a sophomore in college (they had tables set up to get students at the LC), and AMEX when a junior. My mom sat back and watched me max out the Citi in a few months, and for whatever reason, I realized that AMEX had no credit limit and that I would have to pay every month, so I didn't use it that much. I have no idea what it was now, but it had an annual fee too, and was green. By the time I got out of college, I owed 2k. Now I will date myself. When I told my mom this interest is killing me, I'll never be able to pay this off.

She told me, you have to transfer the balance to a card that has a reasonable rate (I wanna guess citi was 18%). "How do I do that?" She told me, you look through the newspaper, find a card offering a lower rate, mail the application to them, and now try to pay more than the minimum due every month. the bank was Vermont National Bank, and the rate was probably 7.9% or so. She didn't a) give me the money b) stop me from getting my own cc c) prevent the most likely scenario from unfolding. once it did unfold, she offered a real suggestion on how to handle it.

the above is likely what I would do as well. I won't say no to anything you can do on your own. If a kid comes home from college with a brand new Porsche? I won't approve, but I won't stop them. After all, I did the same when I was 19 (and paid dearly).

edit p.s. I don't want to say what my "member since" digits are on my AMEX today, it's not only lower than that of the CEO's, but likely lower than most's dob here on the forum!

Htony

That's for parents for.... My kids got their own cars when they were sophomore in H.S. Graduated engineering/medical school without any student loans. They appreciate what
we've done for them. They'd do same to their kids. We often joke to ourselves, if we did not have kids, we'd be multi millionaire by now.....

Johnhav430

Times have changed, elite colleges don't have any loans nor student debt today. Parents on average contribute $12,500 per year for a school like Harvard. Everything else is grants. No loans at all.. Student expected to do around $3,000 in work study. This makes it quite possible for kids to handle things on their own, but they have to dig deep. Like I've said, when I went, acceptance rates were near 19%, not like today's 4.6%.

And of course we get the joke about not having kids. My bro went that route. That's why a new Raptor is fun, and if he doesn't like it, he'll get something else. His wife gets a new car every 1-2 yrs. and they buy, not lease.

Htony

If kid is smart one, our kids were on honor roll throughout their school years. Specially daughter graduated on the top for the graduating school year.
So far I have only one grand son whose mom is tenured engineering prof. with PhD. Hope this boy will follow the foot steps of his parents.

ArmyofOne

My kids never have to worry about college, thank goodness. The Hazelwood exemption means they can all go to school, paid for by the state of TX, free of charge, up to 160 credits.

I am very fortunate that I do not have to include any savings for college in my financial planning. Most do not have it that way.

Johnhav430

Again, there really isn't any right or wrong answer. Many friends have kids from 10 to college--I started late, having a 5 y.o. today. But one observation I have with boys--so many of them are playing video games. Not in their rooms with their doors closed as I had feared in my mind, but on some 55-70" flat screen in a game room or 2nd family room. For hours upon hours. They even have headgear and are talking to other "friends" as said games are connected online. So they tune out parents from my observation as early as 8 or 10 years old--why help them to in addition, physically tune out parents by leaving the house at will, at age 16, in a motor vehicle?

My mom, being untraditional, feels it's a mistake to live vicariously through one's kids. Her friends were a non-stop brag fest, this kid went to Yale then Harvard for med school, and blah blah f'in blah. But the reality is those kids who turned out well, aren't very close, they have their own lives. So the parents brag some more. She never really said much about me, and wouldn't have all that much to say about my bro lol But she never got into that. She tells me to live for me and my wife, not her grandson.

Again I hate to date myself, but the times were different. Acceptance rates weren't below 8% across the board or below 5%. When I went to college, the school that the potus went to was considered a safety school. Acceptance was over 40%. And i will tell you that today, that is "the" best school located in the area that I live. Times have really changed.

mmarshall

That's why I started the thread. I knew that a number of posters, of differing views, would give good replies.