mmarshall

IN A NUTSHELL: Though I just barely, after many difficult attempts, managed to get in and drive it, I was simply TOO BIG for this car...period.


I retired from my long-standing Federal job back in August 2007 (33 years was enough, and I was burning-out), and, before I left, one of my co-workers had asked me, if possible, to check out a new Lotus Elise. I said sure, but I was going to take a few days, start to clean up my house, catch up on a LOT of lost sleep from getting up between 4 and 5 every morning for the subway, and let my tired body adjust to my new (from now on) routine.

After a few days of rest, sleep, and some good meals, I was feeling a lot better, and starting to adjust to my new life. So, I figured might as well go check out the Elise, like I promised. But it is not like checking out a Ford, Chevy, or Toyota product.....Lotus franchises are not exactly a dime a dozen, even in the D.C. area and its enormous new-car market. A check of company-franchises showed only one within reasonable driving distance of my place....Criswell Lotus in the Gaithersburg/Germantown area of the Maryland outer-suburbs (and even that was pushing it). I gave them a buzz, and they said they had a couple of new Elises and Exiges in stock (didn't want to go all the way out there for nothing). Since then (that was almost 13 years ago), the Lotus franchise at Criswell has been dropped. EuroMotorcars Lotus, not far away, for a while, handled the Lotus business locally, but it has shut down the Lotus franchise, too. Bummer for any owners in this region.

So, since it was a fairly nice morning weather-wise, after giving the notorious D.C. rush-hour traffic some time to abate a little later that morning, I hopped into my Outback and started the fairly long drive out there (at least long by my usual auto review-standards). I found the place about an hour later (maybe an hour and a half....don't remember exactly). They had a bright green Elise just outside the small showroom, with a bright orange Exige in the showroom. I parked, got out, took one look at the Elise, and said to myself "OMG, what have I gotten myself into.....how in the heck am I going to drive THAT thing?" For a moment, I wondered if my co-worker had asked me to do this as a prank. Folks, to say that the Elise is a minicar is an overstatement.....sitting about an inch off the ground LOL, it almost made the Mazda Miata look like a dinosaur, and I was just borderline on being able to get in and out of a Miata.

To understand how Lotus products are designed and built, one must first understand the mind of Lotus founder Colin Chapman (1928-1982), a noted British automotive engineer. Chapman was not a hands-off CEO who cared nothing about vehicles and / or looked on his company's products as nothing but a money-making commodity. Chapman took his business seriously, especially since he was also into Formula 1 and European road-racing. His philosophy may not have been the best for big heavy people like me, but it basically followed the laws of physics...all else equal, the smaller, lighter, and less-bulk a car carries, the better it is going to accelerate, steer, handle, brake, save on fuel-consumption, and the more likely it is going to win races. The record of Chapman's own racing cars, on the track, showed that there was a lot of truth to that. So, when his company designed and built vehicles (even street-legal cars like the Elise and Exige), they were going to be as small and light, using materials as strong for the weight and exterior size as possible. That ruled out the usual cheap-plastics, steel, sheet-steel panels, etc... It meant a car that took up as little space as possible, weighed as little as possible (the Elise I sampled was around 1600 lbs.), and sat as low to the ground as possible for minimal aero-drag.

And, of course, it meant an almost complete lack of any kind of conveniences.....roll down your own windows with a crank. Lock your own doors. Adjust your own mirror. Stereo? Forget it...it adds weight. Sound insulation? Noise won't hurt.....insulation adds too much weight. Inside door panels?.....too much weight. Air-conditioning? Ha, Ha. Comfortable seats? Thick paddling adds too much weight. Glove Box? Nope...putting things inside adds weight. Even the number of basic gauges on the dash were limited to keep weight down. But the materials that WERE used in the construction of this car (aluminum, titanium, etc...), some of them seemingly of aircraft-grade, were light/strong and not cheap...which explains why this car, even with its minuscule size and nothing on it, cost almost $50,000, even at 2007 prices.

By now, you are beginning to get the picture.....this clearly wasn't one of those big Buicks I liked so much. IMO, it was not even designed for an average-sized adult American male, much less someone of my bulk. Me trying to even get into this car, much less actually drive it with its 5-speed manual transmission and clutch-pedal (no room at all for my knees), was like trying to put 12 ounces of sardines into a 6-ounce can. I just kept staring at this joke of an interior, wondering how I was going to do it, scratching my head in the process.

But, then, I said to myself....in all of my days, there has NEVER been a car that I could not ultimately get into and drive. In high school, I had sampled an 60s-vintage MG-Midget that was almost as small as this car, but sat up a little higher, and why should I let this one defeat me, especially since I was doing this, by request, as a favor for a colleague? I had earned a Pilot's License, doing all the multi-tasking that was involved in Simulated-Instrument conditions. So I told myself, classic Mind-Over-Matter......."You ARE going to get into that car, one way or another, and drive it."

Needless to say, that was easier said than done.....WAY easier said than done. I wish I had had a video, or even a camera with me to record that circus of my attempts, but I didn't. What I went through trying to get into that car was nothing short of hilarious. I tried everything humanly possible...contorting into a pretzel, head down in my lap, arms/legs every which-way...nothing worked. Even the salesman (who sells these cars for a living) shook his head no and said "Forget it, Mr. Marshall....this car is just too small for you". Well, I wasn't going to give up....I can be a determined SOB sometimes.

Finally, an idea hit me...slide inside, sideways, head-first, bring your head all the way across the front seat and stick it out the partly-open PASSENGER's door, where you are basically lying sideways across the two front seats with your feet sticking out the driver's door LOL. That, with a lot of tight-crouching and careful movement of my legs, feet, and hips, finally got me sitting into the driver's seat facing forward. I looked at the salesman, and he just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

Now, I had to get my legs and arms in a position where I could actually use the (non-adjustable) steering wheel and accelerator/brake/clutch pedals. The shift-lever for the five-speed was practically jammed into my right leg. I fiddled with the seat and its few adjustments awhile, basically wrapped my two big legs V-bent around the outside of the steering-wheel, just forward of the shift-lever, and was able to turn the small but super-thick-rimmed steering wheel and use the three pedals at least adequately if not comfortably. I adjusted the mirrors, somehow got the seat belt/harness fastened, and told the salesperson..."OK, I'm ready to drive". He said "Are you sure?" I said "Yep". He asked "Is there room in there for me next to you?" I said "I wouldn't bet on it."....he was a little smaller than me, but I wanted to make sure I had enough room for myself to drive safely. So, he agreed, and tossed me the key. I started up the Toyota-supplied 1.8L VTEC four-cylinder (some Elises were built with Toyota powerplants because of the unreliability of the British ones). Having the transverse-engine right behind your head (mid-engine) with little or no insulation, of course, meant a fair amount of noise.

On the road, I actually had fewer problems driving it than I thought I would with my legs wrapped around the wheel and my big feet straddling all three pedals. The 5-speed transmission shifted generally crisply, and the clutch engaged without much fuss (Mr. Chapman probably wouldn't have it any other way), and the car drove and handled pretty much the way you would expect a featherweight like this to, though I don't remember the actual steering-response being any quicker than an typical Miata of the period. Even though the 1.8L VTEC power plant, typical of early VTEC designs, didn't have much low-end torque, you didn't need much to get only 1600 lbs. (1800-1900 lbs. with me in it) moving fairly quickly. Road and wind noise, while quite noticeable, was not as bad as I had expected with such little insulation, perhaps because of the quality-construction of the car. Ride comfort, with so little weight to damp the suspension and so little suspension-travel itself, was understandably somewhat choppy, but, again, not as bad as I had expected. The brakes had little weight to stop, and the mid-engine design helps stopping distances by its center-of-gravity position, on strong-braking, helping all four wheels to do their share of the braking load....not just the front wheels, like on many conventional vehicles. I came back to the dealership with a grin on my face, knowing that I had not let this car defeat me.

But now, of course, I had to actually get OUT of this Munchkin-Machine LOL....which, like getting in, was much easier said than done. But, unlike getting in, to get out, I knew more or less what I had to do in reverse, so I opened both doors and slowly un-contorted myself out of the car, first laying (sideways) across the two front seats, then sliding out the driver's door feet-first, back on the ground, and getting my torso and head out under the ceiling.

By then, I'd had a day...felt as tired and hungry as I if had been back at the office all day. So, on the fairly long drive back home, I stopped at Ledo's and got one of my favorite pizzas (always liked Ledo's...they are a classic). Fresh and hot out of the oven at the shop, it was delicious, and gave me back some of my energy (ate up a whole medium cheese with no toppings), and I don't think I ate that night at all....went to bed early.

So...yes, I did manage to get in and drive this thing, but only after a LOT of awkward work and contortions...and you can bet the monthly rent that I wouldn't put something like this in my parking space. Thanks, Mr. Chapman....but no Thanks.

And, as Always.......Happy Car Memories .

MM

Hoovey689

iTrader: (16)

At an autocross event, my friends brother managed to flip his dad's Elise on it's roof. I didn't think it was possible considering the center of gravity on this thing

mmarshall

Difficult, but not impossible.....particularly if the tires are sliding sideways and hit something solid, such as a curb or small ridge at or near the edge of the track. That is enough, in some cases, to flip even a Formula-1 car upside down.

I hope he wasn't badly hurt. There is very little around the driver, in an Elise, to protect them in a crash like that, although the car itself, in the Colin-Chapman tradition, is built from light but quite-strong materials.

Hoovey689

iTrader: (16)

All there was was cones on the track

His dad is/was part of the Lotus Club of America, and would let his son bring us to events with or without our own cars sometimes. Just had to set-up cones for the next guy after your run.

Yeah the brother was fine. There was a roll bar installed. His dad didn't talk to him for a few months after the incident hah.

mmarshall

Good. Glad to hear it.


You may have been wise to stay out of that one.

Happens more than you would think, though. I once watched a young kid, on a public road, wreck his Dad's Nissan 300ZX right in front of me. He simply lost it, at a speed much too fast for conditions, on a sharp road-bump/dip, and it spun out, and went right into a sharp concrete curb. He and his friend were OK, but extremely distraught, and seemed to be in state of mental shock. I was walking near the car when it happened, and was the first one to reach the car and offer help.